.a peek inside the thoughts of a stay at home mom....

a peek inside my thoughts on motherhood, life, love, and anything I decide to talk about!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Angel babies in heaven... and here on earth!

Not quite sure how to start this entry today, so I'm just going to dive right in. My sister is a couple of weeks away from her due date (hopefully baby will come sooner!). She is pregnant with her 3rd child. It's a boy, and his name is Everett James. We are all so excited and anticipating his arrival greatly! In fact, Sam, my sister....is over 37 weeks along and she is already dilated to 2 cm!! She has been having contractions that are starting to get more uncomfortable but just not consistent yet. So, she is getting closer and I hope that for her sake (because she feels like poop) that Everett will decide to make his debut soon!
With every baby that comes into this family...we are all overjoyed, elated, thrilled beyond words.

My sister and I are super close. Well, when we were growing up we were always at each others throats, but hey, that's what siblings do right? :o) It's funny because as we got older, and Sam moved out of the house... we became closer than ever before. We were then and are now...BEST FRIENDS!  When she got pregnant with her daughter Ava, I was beyond thrilled to have a niece! Then, 3 months after she told me she was expecting... I found out I was going to have a baby too! (my son Nathan)  We vowed that our children will grow up being as close as siblings. I am happy to report that they have!  Even though Ava is not my biological child...I am so close with her I feel like sometimes I birthed her myself. I know my sister feels the same way about my children too. My sister and I live about an hour away from each other...but we make it a point to see each other as much as we can. (It hasn't been as much as I would like to lately, but money is tight these days for both of us) If we can't see one another...then we talk on the phone. Our kids talk on the phone to each other. This keeps their bond strong and they always miss the other one.  It is such a beautiful thing. Family is so important... and we have our parents to thank for that. They taught us that family is everything...and without it we have NOTHING.

When my sister found out she was pregnant for the second time... I was beyond excited. This time she was pregnant with a little boy named Aaron. Sam and Chuck (my brother-in-law) found out around 20 weeks that Aaron's heart had not developed properly. With extensive testing done, they found out that pretty much only half of his heart had developed. So, there was a plan in place...that once he was born  (a few days later really) the doctors would start one of many surgeries to come to get the little man's heart in working order. Well, when Aaron was born... the doctors found that there was more wrong with him then what they originally thought. Aaron could not be stabelized and he passed away 8 hours later.  On Dec 2nd 2010... my nephew would have been 2 years old. I don't like to say WOULD HAVE BEEN, because even though he is not on this earth with us today...he is always with us in spirit. So, let me correct myself. On Dec 2nd, 2010 my nephew, Aaron WILL be 2 years old.  I love him so much and I (along with everyone else of course) wish we could have had a chance to get to know him. When I found out that he passed away... I felt like the air was taken right out of my lungs. I cried for him, my sister, and brother in law.    However, my sister and her husband are very very strong people. They have found the courage to move forward and try again to have another baby. So that brings us to today. We are all anxiously awaiting the arrival of Everett James!

We have the same hope for Everett and my daughter Madeline... that they will grow up like siblings...and be so close throughout their lives. All of the children really...and I'm pretty sure we have instilled those values in them already...so we know they will be close for life.  As I think about the impending arrival of Everett, my mind always goes back to Aaron. I think about him often ( in general) and try to picture how he would have been at 2. What would he look like? What would his little voice sound like? What kind of trouble would he get into? Would he drive his sister crazy? LOL! Would Aaron and Madeline (my 9 month old) be really close too? How would everyone play together?  It's crazy to say, but sometimes I feel him with me. Maybe he is ... maybe he isn't. Maybe it's just what I would like to think. That's ok. It comforts me to think that way. I also believe that he is Everett's guardian angel helping him to make it into this world safely.  Who knows... without Aaron, we may not have Everett.

I love to write...and I really love to write poetry. So, as a tribute to Aaron, I have written a poem that I would like to share with you all before I sign off:

 Guardian Aaron

Even though your body cannot be with us today
I know your spirit is here in every way.
It's the sun, the rain, a smell in the air.
The way the wind blows through your mother's hair.
A touch, a smile, a warm embrace.
It's in the tears upon our face.
Not tears only of sadness, but also joy,
because with help from you we are welcoming another little boy.
You are helping to bring him into this world from above,
With a big brother's guidance and love.
You've helped your mother and father stay brave and strong,
and reassured them that it's ok to move on.

There is a favor however, I must ask.
It's big but a fairly simple task.
Please continue to guide this baby into your parents arms,
with intense love and safe from harm.
Please give us a glimpse every now and then,
of the boy you were
and the man you should have been.
As we all fall in love with Everett James
Just know that in our hearts Aaron McKray always remains.

Your Auntie loves you Aaron and you will NEVER be forgotten! ♥


  1. Oh Mary! I can't stop crying! That is so beautiful!


  2. this is great mary. even i cried, i miss aaron too.
    i love you aaron ♥
    and everett i cant wait for you.(:

    love, zoe.